


I Found A Reason

by thornfield_girl



Series: To Show That You're Home [2]
Category: Justified
Genre: Bisexuality, Domestic, Healing, Homosexuality, Internalized Biphobia, Jealousy, M/M, Moving, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 12:42:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thornfield_girl/pseuds/thornfield_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boyd's house is being built, and he prepares to move to Harlan. Raylan has some personal conflicts which Boyd would like to help him out with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Some Place You Never Gone Before

Boyd's house wasn't quite finished, but he and Raylan decided to christen it one Saturday afternoon, with a couple of six packs and a mattress with no frame, on the floor of what would eventually be the master bedroom. 

The house smelled of new wood, and the springtime sun shone in through the recently installed windows. Raylan felt it across his back, the heat almost too intense as he knelt across Boyd's thighs and finished himself off, his eyes locked with Boyd's lighter brown ones, leaning down to kiss him as he shot his come across the man's lean stomach. 

As he rolled to the side, Boyd laughed happily in his ear, and said, "I think I like this house."

"I think I like you," Raylan answered, knowing he sounded insipid, and not much caring. 

"You up for getting some work done this afternoon?"

Raylan sighed. That had been the ostensible purpose for coming out here today. Boyd had some ideas about what he wanted to do in the yard, and he wanted to clear space for a garden. 

Neither of them had much experience with yard work, beyond mowing the lawn. Raylan had lived in apartments except during the time he'd been with Winona, and then it had been a condo. Boyd's yard in Richmond was small, and he'd never felt sufficiently motivated to do much with it. 

"I guess so," he said, rather unenthusiastically. "Then we're gonna grill, right?" 

"That's right." Boyd smiled at him. "And I got some shine that Helen gave me as a housewarming gift, for later."

"Sounds like a dream I might have had twenty years ago," Raylan said with a faraway smile.

"Baby, I doubt you could have dreamed something this good."

"Probably right about that. I didn't even know this was something you could do. I might have dreamed about you and me and some shine, though. And the moon. And this..." 

Raylan covered Boyd's mouth with his, gently licking his way into it, running his fingers lightly up his ribs and brushing over his nipple, making him shudder slightly. 

"Raylan," Boyd said, sounding turned on but also slightly annoyed. "We just fucked. You promised to help me with the yard shit today. Just because you _can_ distract me like this, doesn't mean you should."

"Okay, okay. Let's go do it, then. The longer we stay in here, the harder it's gonna be to keep my hands off you."

"Shut _up_ , Raylan," Boyd said, laughing as he stood and gathered his clothes. 

They got dressed, a process somewhat slowed down by Raylan intercepting Boyd in the act of fastening his jeans, and insisting on finishing the job for him. He was doing it now, just because Boyd had given him such a hard time. He loved Boyd all riled up, at least as much as he loved him cool and relaxed, or excited about something, or any number of other ways he could be. 

They made their way downstairs, grabbed the gardening tools they'd picked up before coming here, and headed out back. Boyd put on some music - Gram Parsons, one artist on a very short list of concessions he had been willing to make to Raylan's country rock preferences. 

Boyd had rolled his eyes when he'd rooted through the box of CDs Raylan had retrieved from a storage unit, along with a few random pieces of furniture, some books and framed artwork that Winona had told him to take when they'd divorced. 

Still, there was no arguing with the beauty of the man's untrained, slightly awkward tenor, mingling with the pure loveliness of Emmylou's voice, sounding like nothing so much as a cool stream running through the same hills in which Boyd and he had grown up. Raylan had never heard a peep from him about this album. 

They worked in companionable silence, and the sun mercifully retreated behind some clouds for awhile. After what felt like about an hour, Raylan heard the sound of a truck pulling up in front of the house. 

He and Boyd looked up at each other, suddenly alert, if not a little nervous. Unexpected visitors were always looked on as a potential problem. They walked around the house, Boyd slightly in front. Raylan wished he had his sidearm on him - he'd left it upstairs, discarded with his wallet, phone and keys when he and Boyd had first gotten undressed. 

When they got around to the front Raylan saw a familiar-looking, dusty old truck. He laughed, and Boyd looked over at him. "It's just Ava," Raylan said, and as he spoke, she climbed down out of the cab.

She was wearing a light, flowered sundress and sandals, her hair pulled up in an elastic, and she looked as pretty as always. She spotted them and walked over, smiling tentatively, carrying something wrapped in foil. 

Boyd moved forward to meet her, smiling questioningly. "Ava? I haven't seen you since you were 18 years old. Still the prettiest girl in all of Harlan, I see."

Ava blushed and laughed lightly. "Boyd Crowder, still the prettiest talker in all of Harlan, that's what I see." She handed him the parcel in her hand and said, "Zucchini bread. My neighbor grows too much every year and unloads it on me, so..."

Raylan came up beside Boyd and said, "Hey, Ava. How'd you know we'd be out here?"

"I saw y'all coming out of the hardware store when I was passing by. Had shovels and such, so I just assumed. Anyway... I just wanted to stop by and say hi, welcome Boyd back to Harlan. I wasn't sure you'd be getting too many visitors just yet."

Boyd smiled warmly at her and said, "Well, we were about ready for a break. We got beer and lemonade inside, and I'd love a piece of this bread. You want to come inside for a bit and catch up?"

Ava glanced at Raylan, who gave her a smile too. He figured Boyd could use all the friends in these parts that he could find. They went inside, and Boyd pulled some plastic cups out of a grocery bag on the counter.

"Sorry," he said, holding them up. "I'm not really living here yet. We just brought stuff for tonight. You want lemonade?"

"Think I'd rather have a beer if that's okay."

Boyd pulled one out of the fridge and handed it to her, then poured lemonade for him and Raylan. Raylan scowled a bit, knowing that meant they'd have to go back out to the yard. 

Ava found a plastic knife and sliced the zucchini bread for all of them. It was delicious, slightly sticky from the sugar and the heat of the day. 

Boyd told her he was real sorry to hear about everything that had happened with Bowman, and she said she was real sorry she'd had to kill his brother. Boyd said not to worry, that she might have saved him or Raylan the trouble of having to do it themselves. Raylan sighed, and thought that, while there were probably other places this conversation could be happening, Harlan was the least surprising. 

"So you been staying with Raylan in Lexington while your house is getting built?"

"Splitting my time between there and Richmond. I got some stuff to take care of back there, still, and a job I took a while back. By the time that's done, the house should be ready to move into."

"At least Raylan's got a real place now. Can't imagine you two trying to live in that shitty motel room for months on end."

Raylan snorted, and Boyd laughed out loud. "I'm not sure any relationship could withstand such a test," Boyd said. 

"Raylan probably told you all the stuff Bowman said about you guys. He told me it was wrong, that y'all were never together, but I can still hardly believe it. You seem the same with each other now as you did back then."

"And how's that?" Boyd asked, a small, curious frown on his brow.

"Oh, I don't know. Cute, I guess." She shrugged. "Just right."

Boyd's face opened into a wide grin, and he reached for another piece of the bread. Raylan rolled his eyes, but grinned too.

"Boyd, how many burgers did you bring?"

"I brought that whole pack of them, and six rolls. Plenty for Miss Ava, if she'd like to stay for supper, although she'd have to find a way of entertaining herself while we finish clearing that garden bed," he said pointedly at Raylan, who groaned. 

"I'd love to stay and cook out with you boys. But I can help you with that garden, too. I ain't afraid of getting dirty. Maybe you got some clothes I can borrow?" 

Raylan shrugged and said, "If you insist. You can wear one of my shirts, but you should probably use Boyd's jeans. Come on, I'll find you something."

They walked up the stairs and down the hall to the bedroom, Ava looking all around and exclaiming over how nice it was going to be. Raylan started rooting through the small piles of clothes on an upended cardboard box that was serving as a dresser, and found something Ava could wear to work in. 

She was looking around the room, and her eyes lit on something that made her blush and turn the other way very quickly. Raylan glanced over and blushed himself as he realized they'd left the bottle of lube sitting out in plain sight. 

"Sorry," he said uncomfortably. "Here. You can change and leave your stuff in the room next door, okay ?"

Ava looked at him for a moment, then lunged forward and gave him a fierce hug. Raylan was taken aback at first, but she didn't let go for awhile, so he hugged her back. 

"Raylan, you got nothing to be sorry for. I'm so glad you boys are home."

Raylan still felt embarrassed, and couldn't quite meet her eyes once she’d pulled back from the hug. "I ain't really back. This is Boyd's place, not mine."

"I bet that's not what he would say. I bet it's not how you really think about it either."

"We'll be in the yard, just come on out when you're ready. You do know, you really don't have to help if you don't want to."

"But I do."

She walked into the next room, and Raylan stowed the lube in his bag before heading downstairs. Great, he thought. If she hadn't been picturing anything before, she certainly was now.

Even Boyd's slim jeans hung low on her hips, but she worked as hard as they did. She had some helpful advice, having done a fair amount of gardening at her home for years. As they worked, Raylan had a few moments of unreality, wondering at the things that had needed to happen in their three lives that had led them to this place. He wondered if there was any other way it could have come to be. If he’d never left, and if Boyd hadn’t, was there any chance they’d have figured this out? 

After 90 minutes or so, they heard a distant rumble of thunder, and felt the first few sprinkles of rain. They decided to stop, and Ava and Boyd went to take showers first. Raylan stowed the tools under the porch. By the time Raylan had finished his own shower, the rain was coming down hard, and thunder was following flashes of lightning within just a few seconds. 

Boyd had fired up the grill on the covered patio, and was chatting with Ava, who was perched on the edge of a cheap plastic chair and laughing. Raylan grabbed a beer and went to join them.

Ava grinned at him and said, “He was just telling me about his friends in Richmond. I bet they’re gonna be real sad when you leave, Boyd.”

“I suppose they will. For awhile, anyway, you know how that is. They can come visit if they like. Got plenty of room here.”

Raylan laughed softly and said, “You might’ve put them off Harlan a bit, Boyd, what with nearly getting killed and all. Though, I don’t see that stopping your friend Phoebe.”

Boyd grinned and said, “Not if you’re here. Anyway, Joe and Neil promised to help me move. We can go for beers at Johnny’s after.”

Raylan gave him an incredulous look, until he realized he was joking. At least, Raylan thought he was joking. It was hard to know for sure with Boyd, sometimes.

They ate and watched the rain come down, and after the sky turned dark, Boyd pulled the shine out of the cupboard. He opened it and passed it to Raylan before taking any for himself. After Raylan had taken a sip, he handed it to Ava, saying, “You need to watch it, now. We ain’t set up for guests yet, there’s nowhere for you to sleep, so you’re gonna have to drive yourself home. I don’t plan on bein’ in any shape to do that for you, in a very short time.”

Boyd took the jar from her after she’d had her turn, and said, “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll go easy for a bit, ‘til you’re ready to go. I can catch up with Raylan later. Or maybe I’ll just take advantage of him.”

Raylan rolled his eyes in Boyd’s direction and said, “Boyd, Jesus, shut up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Raylan. I wasn’t aware Ava was under the impression we were saving ourselves for marriage. That oughta be an option in Kentucky, in what? Another thirty years or so?”

Raylan snorted and said, "Ain't you the optimist."

Ava giggled. “Y’all are gonna be the cutest 70 year old newlyweds in town. Y’already bicker like my grandparents.”

Ava only took one more pull on the jar, as it turned out, then got up to leave. She gave Boyd a hug first, and told him again how happy she was that he’d come home. She told him she’d help him some more with the garden anytime, and he promised to take her up on the offer. 

Raylan walked her out to her truck, helped her into it - knowing full well she didn’t need any such help, but he was a gentleman, after all - and thanked her for coming over. 

“I noticed what you said, by the way.”

“What are you talking about, Ava?”

“You said, ‘We ain’t set up for guests yet.’ You’re already thinking of it as your house too.”

“Yeah, well... I guess I am. That’s what he always says, anyway. ‘Our house,’ ‘When we move in,’ shit like that. I don’t know. Seems a little soon, I guess, don’t it?”

“Raylan, you’ve known him since you were little kids. If anything, I’d say it’s way overdue.” 

“Maybe you’re right. Anyway, thanks. Good night.”

She drove off, and Raylan walked back through the house to where Boyd was still sitting on the patio. The rain had stopped, the air had turned colder, and everything felt damp after the storm.

“You want to go inside, Boyd? Gettin’ chilly out here.”

“No, not yet. I think it feels nice. We ought to get some kind of sofa for out here, you know?”

Raylan looked at Boyd, sipping at the shine and gazing out into the yard and beyond, into the trees, and he thought he looked so right, so at home. Raylan realized he felt much the same, at least when he was out here, with Boyd. He looked at the woods himself, and they seemed like another old friend he’d lost track of.

They’d made a regular habit of sleeping rough, when they were younger. They’d take Boyd’s truck, park somewhere and hike into the trees, then drink until they’d given themselves the excuse that they were too drunk to drive anywhere. He wondered how much longer it would have taken, if he’d stayed, for one of them to run out of patience with that little game. 

He pulled a chair over so it sat up against Boyd’s, and reached an arm over his shoulders. Boyd leaned his head back so it was resting on Raylan’s forearm, and let a smile ghost across his face. 

“Yeah, Boyd. I think a sofa would be real nice out here. Let’s do that.”

They handed the shine back and forth for some time, and finally stumbled upstairs to the mattress on the floor of their bedroom. The point in the evening when they might have still been able to muster the capacity for sex had long since passed them by, so they satisfied themselves with a few sloppy kisses, and fell asleep in a tangle on top of the sheets. 

Over the next several weeks, Boyd began spending more time at the house, painting the finished rooms and working in the yard. Furniture was ordered and delivered, and the house began to take form. 

Raylan came out with him on the weekends, but during the week there were days they didn't see each other at all. Boyd would work all day and be too exhausted to drive back to Lexington. 

Ava had begun to make a habit of visiting Boyd, sometimes helping him with whatever he was doing, and other times just keeping him company. Raylan was glad of it. Boyd needed friends and allies in Harlan, and Ava had a good heart to complement the vein of steel that ran through her, like it did all Harlan women who manage to make their way in that world. His mother hadn't had it, and he'd never wish such a deficiency on anyone else. 

One Friday night, after Raylan had made the drive down to Harlan, and they were lying in bed, Boyd told Raylan some things he'd been thinking about. 

"I want to invite Ava in for a night, Raylan."

Raylan's eyes went wide when he understood what Boyd was proposing. He immediately started shaking his head emphatically, and he said, “I told you, I don’t need that.”

“And I told you, that’s not what it’s about.”

“Boyd, no. We can’t... we shouldn’t do it.” Raylan’s heart was beating fast. He felt afraid, though he wasn’t entirely sure what it was that scared him. 

Boyd was looking at him calmly, which Raylan really could not understand. He should be the one feeling worried, here. He shouldn’t be smiling like that, sympathetically, like he knew something. 

“Raylan. It’s you and me. It’s always going to be you and me. Do you think I’d suggest such a thing if I had any doubts about that?”

“It’s too soon. This is too new.”

“It’s better this way. Better to do it before you feel like you need to ask me for it.”

Raylan shook his head, like Boyd should know better. “I was never gonna ask you, Boyd.” 

Boyd smiled, full of affection, and nodded at him. “I know. And now you never have to.”

Raylan said nothing, just looked away, until Boyd put a hand to his cheek and made him meet his eyes. “Listen to me. If you don’t want this - really don’t want it, for yourself - then just tell me that and I’ll never bring it up again. But if you don’t want it because you’re worried about me, or us, then I don’t accept that. Because this isn’t just for you. I want this. For both of us.”

“Why?” Raylan couldn’t think of a single reason for Boyd to bring something like this into the life they were making together. He thought for certain that it could only do damage, bring ugliness into something that had been beautiful.

“Because...” Boyd looked up at the ceiling for a minute, like he was trying to get his thoughts together, then said, “Because there’s this part of you that I don’t know. I know about it, but I don’t _know_. I’d like to know. I’m not afraid of it, Raylan. Or... well, maybe I am a little bit afraid of it. But that’s only because I don’t know.”

Raylan reached out for him, pulled him close. “You don’t have to be afraid of anything. You got me, remember?”

“Yes, I know that,” Boyd said patiently. “This is not a test. You can take this or you can turn it down, or you can say ‘not yet.’ There’s no wrong answer.”

Raylan was quiet for awhile, thinking. “You and Ava are friends now. What if this fucks all that up?”

“Then I’ll fix it.”

Raylan stared at the man - his man - and thought about what he really wanted, if this was one of those things. He didn’t want it at the cost of anything he had with Boyd, could never want it like that. But, he decided, he did want it. And Boyd was offering it up freely, which he would never do unless he _knew_. Boyd always knew.

“How’s this gonna go? Have you ever.. I mean... do you...”

“Have I ever been with a woman?” Boyd looked slightly amused.

“Well, yeah. Have you?”

“No. I never... it just never interested me. It’s not that I... I’m sure I could...”

“Jesus, Boyd. It’s fine. You don’t have to do anything in this that you don’t want to. I’m just trying to figure out logistics, that’s all.”

“Maybe it’s best not to overthink it. Maybe we should let Ava tell us.”

“I don’t know. She’s been thinkin’ on this for awhile, who knows what she’s gonna say.”

“Well, that could be interesting. Maybe we’ll learn something about our friend Ava.”

“I’ve never... three people, I’ve never done that.”

Boyd grinned, a little wickedly, and said, “Well, then I guess there’s something new for each of us in this.” Raylan raised his eyebrows at him, and they both laughed.

 

Ava came over the following Friday. They shared two bottles of wine between the three of them over dinner. Ava was a little on the giggly side, but she still seemed to be in decent condition. Raylan glanced over at Boyd, questioning, and Boyd gave him a reassuring smile. That was good, Boyd would handle this. He hadn’t said how he was going to approach it, but Raylan had long since decided to just leave it up to him. It was his idea anyway.

Even though he was waiting for it, when Boyd finally did make his move, it took Raylan by surprise. Ava had seated herself on the brand new loveseat with a glass of bourbon that Raylan had handed her, and Boyd sat down right next to her - not touching, but almost. 

Ava gave him a look, amused but surprised, and said, “Never thought I’d have to worry about you gettin’ fresh with me, Boyd Crowder.”

Boyd smirked at her and said, “Haven’t you learned that lesson yet, girl? Never assume.” Then he leaned in real quick to kiss her on the mouth. It wasn’t the smoothest kiss Raylan had ever seen - too much teeth, and Boyd seemed unsure of how forceful he could or should be with her - and she pulled back from it as soon as she had recovered from whatever shock that had put her in. 

She was staring at Boyd like he’d gone insane, and maybe that’s what she thought. She blinked at him a couple of times, then said, “What the hell are you doing? What...” She looked over at Raylan, who was doing his best to smother a grin. When she saw that he wasn’t upset, her eyes got real big, and she said in a quiet voice, “Is there something you boys wanted to ask me?”

Raylan opened his mouth as if to start speaking, but then closed it, as he had no idea how to answer. Boyd reached out a hand to lightly stroke the top of her shoulder, and said, “Well... a few months back, Raylan told me about the conversation the two of you had. He said that you -”

“Oh my god!” Ava cried out in embarrassment and buried her face in her hands. “Raylan! I could kill you.”

Raylan started to answer, apologize maybe, but Boyd shook his head at him. “Ava,” he said, “he didn’t tell me for gossip. He wasn’t making fun of you. He just thought I should know. You would have wanted to know, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah... I’m sorry, Boyd, I probably shouldn’t have even... but why did you kiss me?”

“That may have been a misstep, for which I apologize. I can do better than that, I promise.”

“What are you talking about?” She said this in a very pointed way, which indicated to Raylan that she knew exactly what Boyd was talking about, but she required it spelled out before she was willing to speak on the subject one way or the other. He couldn’t really say as he blamed her.

Finally, Raylan found his voice, and said, “Ava, when you told me all that stuff, I was a little freaked out by it. But I was also... I also liked it. I liked that you thought about that when we were together. Anyway, Boyd thought... we thought, maybe you’d like to... stay. And...”

“You want me to stay and have sex with the both of you? Is that seriously what you are asking me?”

“Or, you know, whatever you want to do. We could just...” Raylan trailed off again, at a loss. 

Boyd stood up then and walked over to Raylan. He leaned over and kissed him, properly this time, then said, “Stop talking, Raylan.” He looked over at Ava, who was staring openly at them, and said to her, “See? I told you I could do better. You want to give me another shot, or what?”

Ava nodded, temporarily speechless. Boyd walked over and extended a hand to her, and she let him pull her up. “Come on, Raylan,” he said, and Raylan did. They let Ava go up ahead of them, and Boyd went last, keeping his hand steady on Raylan’s back. 

Ava entered the bedroom and looked around. Since the last time she'd been in here, they had brought in a simple metal bed frame, though there was no headboard or footboard yet, as Boyd was planning to bring in the one from his home in Richmond. 

Boyd walked over to Ava and said, "You're our guest. We're both so happy you're here, and we want you to feel comfortable, okay? You can stop anything, any time, and we won't mind at all." He glanced over at Raylan and said, "Same goes for you. Or for me. We're all here because we want to be, but if that changes, we say something, right?"

Raylan nodded, and Ava said, "Sure, Boyd. But can I just ask you why you want to do this? I didn't think you even liked girls."

"I like girls just fine, Ava. I'm just not generally inclined to take them to bed."

"Yeah, I got that. So why are you? Did Raylan ask you?"

"It was my idea. I wanted to do this. Everything's fine, I promise."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Like I said, you're our guest. You get to say what happens here. But if you'd like, I could help you out of that dress, for a start."

"Um... okay. But ain't you gonna get undressed too?"

"You want us to go first?"

Ava grinned a little and nodded. Boyd shrugged, and started unbuttoning his shirt. 

"No," Ava said. "I mean... you could undress each other?"

Boyd raised his eyebrows in what looked like admiration, and grinned at Raylan, who had been standing quietly, watching their exchange. He felt self-conscious now, and a little bit bothered by the idea of putting their intimacy on display for her benefit. Still, they were here now, and he didn't want to reject out of hand what Boyd was clearly offering him as a gift. And he didn't want to look scared in front of him either. 

Raylan walked over and reached for Boyd, trying to keep his fingers steady as he unbuttoned his shirt. He swallowed nervously as Boyd leaned forward to kiss him, though it was something he did many times over the course of most days. 

Boyd only brushed his lips lightly with his own, then inclined his head further to kiss Raylan's neck as he unzipped his jeans. Raylan slid the shirt from his shoulders, then pulled the undershirt over his head. Boyd did the same for him, and they both stepped back to remove their own shoes and pants. 

They were down to their underwear before either one of them looked at Ava again, and when they did, they found her sitting on the edge of the bed in her bra and panties, watching them. 

Raylan took a breath and said, "Okay. What happens now, Ava?" 

She looked at him for a moment, then reached a hand out towards him. He walked over and sat down next to her, forcing himself not to glance back at Boyd. This was not the time to be asking for permission, he knew. He kissed her, and she pulled him down with her as she lay back on the bed. 

Raylan reached down under her knees and pulled her up so she was completely on the mattress, stretched out next to him. He rubbed his thumb across the lace of her bra, felt her hard nipple pushing out the thin fabric. 

Boyd laid himself out next to her and tentatively trailed his fingers over her ribs. She turned her face away from Raylan's and looked at Boyd. "Is this okay?"

"This is very much okay."

"You want to try that kiss again?"

"All right," he said, and he did. Raylan watched them, almost hypnotized by it. It was strange, but undeniably sexy, and Boyd obviously redeemed himself, because when the kiss ended, Ava looked somewhat beside herself. 

"What would you do now, if I weren't here?" she asked, rather breathlessly.

"Well..." Boyd said, a little uncertainly, "You want to see?"

"Oh, yes. I really do."

Boyd glanced up at Raylan, and Raylan held his gaze, then shrugged and smiled at him. Boyd crawled over her legs and knelt between Raylan's, then reached in to pull his cock free from his shorts. 

Raylan closed his eyes as Boyd sucked him, then opened them as he pulled Ava in close. She kissed him and ran her hands over his chest, and Raylan felt like some sort of circuit had finally been closed in himself. He stroked Boyd's hair and thought, maybe for the first time ever, that he was at peace with who he was. Boyd had done that for him, just because he loved him.

He didn't want to come yet, not like this, not when he couldn't see Boyd's face. He pulled his mouth away from Ava's, pushed her back gently and said, "Wait." Boyd must have heard him, because he stopped and looked up. 

"Okay, Raylan?"

"Yeah, but... just stop a minute. Please. Come here."

Boyd crawled up beside him and Raylan pulled him down to kiss him hard, then whispered, "I love you" to his lips. Boyd nodded, and Raylan said, "Is there anything you want right now?"

"I told you, I want to know."

Raylan frowned at him, then said, "Okay. Then I'll show you."

Raylan sat up and knelt over Ava, looked at her eyes to check in with her, and saw only agreement. He pulled her panties down in one smooth, though slightly aggressive motion, and bent down to kiss the insides of her thighs. He opened his mouth over her and ran his tongue lightly, just inside her pussy, making her shiver. 

He knew Boyd was watching, but he knew he couldn't make it just about him, or the two of them. He paid attention to what he was doing, tried to lose himself in it as best he could. He felt Ava's reactions to everything he was doing, and he didn't stop, not until she'd stopped shuddering, and grinding herself into his face. 

He sat back, then wiping himself off on the sheet, and looked at Boyd. He was staring at him, mouth parted and panting, and Raylan threw himself onto him, attacking his neck and chest with lips, and tongue, and teeth. He didn't kiss him on the mouth just yet, though. He appreciated Boyd's open-mindedness, but he didn't want to push it.

He moved down swiftly to take Boyd's cock into his mouth, by now so much more familiar than Ava's softness, and let him push up into his throat. He would never hold anything back from Boyd, never deny him anything he could give him. He roamed his body with his hands, egging him on, not letting up at all. 

He wanted to hear him cry out, wanted to show him that he knew, that what Boyd had done for him tonight was so much more than he'd realized at first. 

Boyd did cry out, he called Raylan's name as he came, and Raylan was sure he'd never heard a better thing in all his life. He surged up and kissed Boyd then, no longer worrying about whatever traces of Ava might remain on his lips. He knew it didn't matter now. 

Boyd took him in hand, and Raylan came almost instantly, his face buried in his man's hair. Then he collapsed on top of him before rolling over to his side, in between Boyd and Ava. 

He lay still, letting his breath return to normal. He had no idea what to say, to either of them. 

Finally, Ava broke the silence that had threatened to become too heavy, and said, "If y'all wanted my recipe for that zucchini bread, all you had to do was ask."

Boyd started laughing, just a little at first, and Raylan could feel his body shaking with it as he seemed unable to stop. Raylan laughed too, even though the joke hadn't been all that funny, and Ava eventually joined in. It was contagious and slightly manic, slowing down and then picking up again when one person would begin another fit of giggles. 

After it had finally stopped, even the aftershocks, Ava sat up and pulled on her panties. "I should be heading home, boys. It was a real interesting evening, without a doubt."

"You don't have to go," Boyd said, "You can stay over if you want."

"It's nice of you to offer, Boyd, but I'm pretty sure you're just being polite. I bet y'all got stuff to talk about." She had her dress back on already, and was pulling on her shoes.

"I'll walk you out," Raylan said, pulling on his jeans. 

"Okay, Raylan. Night, Boyd. That second kiss was much better, by the way."

Boyd said goodnight and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Raylan walked out behind Ava and down the stairs. 

"Ava, I hardly know what to say to thank you. I hope... I hope that was okay for you."

"It was real nice, Raylan. I had a lovely time. I hope you know how much that boy loves you, that's all I have to say."

"I do now, I guess."

"That's good. Sometimes you're not so good at seeing things like that. But anyone can see how you love him. Good lord, they could probably see that from space." She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek before walking out the door. 

He watched to make sure she got in her truck and drive away, then headed back up to Boyd. He hoped she was right, that it was so plain to see. He didn't want any question of it in Boyd's head. It was the fear he'd had before, when Boyd had first brought this up, on the phone, what felt like ages ago.

He felt nervous, re-entering the bedroom, for no good reason he could think of. Boyd was sitting on the bed, waiting for him. Raylan slid back out of his jeans and went to him, sidling up to him, almost like he was afraid he'd done something wrong. He didn't know why. Boyd had done nothing to make him feel that way. The euphoria he'd felt just a short time ago had all but left him. 

Boyd opened his arms up and Raylan crawled into them, allowing Boyd to comfort him, over what, he didn't really know. He suddenly feared he might start crying, and that was not something he wanted to do, especially not now. The last thing he wanted was to make Boyd feel like he'd pushed him into something that had hurt him.

"Raylan, you're okay. Everything's fine. I love you."

"I love you, so much, and you've given me so much more than I could ever give you."

"That's not true. You know it's not, you just feel guilty. You don't need to. Just take it, Raylan. Take yes for an answer, for once, would you?"

"What we did, Boyd, I loved it. I really loved it. I'm not even sure I can explain what that felt like for me. But I'm not sure I ever want to do it again."

"That's okay. It's okay, either way, I enjoyed myself just fine. But next time, it has to be you asking. It's okay to want things, though. You don't have to feel bad for wanting."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"Sort of. But mostly, I just want you."

"I know. I'm so glad."

Raylan turned out the light, and kissed Boyd softly before settling himself in his arms to sleep. Boyd didn't push him away or roll over, and Raylan realized that he hadn't really done that for months now. He felt a small pang of guilt over it, felt selfish, which was how he was used to thinking of himself anyway. Then he thought maybe Boyd had a point. Maybe he could take yes for an answer, once in awhile.


	2. How Many Paths Have Crossed Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boyd moves in.

Boyd drove the moving truck down I-81, cursing himself for not asking to drive the thing before renting it. The steering was atrocious, and he couldn't believe they let just anyone drive these things. 

Joe and Neil were following behind in Boyd's pickup, hauling a few things that they hadn't managed to fit into the van. He was already anticipating the complaints from both of them after spending 8 hours in a car together. He figured he'd ask if Neil wanted to ride in with him, when they stopped for lunch, but he'd have to shut up and deal with Boyd's choice of music. 

Raylan hadn't wanted to take any more time off from work to drive to Richmond. He'd long since used up his vacation time, and only had a couple of personal days left. They both thought those would be better used helping to get things set up in Harlan, if necessary. 

Joe had been acting like a shit all morning, giving Boyd a hard time about everything from how he wanted to pack up the van, to what route to take to Harlan. As if Boyd hadn't been making the drive for the past nine months. He knew why, and he was quite sure Joe did too, but he couldn't seem to stop reacting to it anymore than Joe could stop doing it. 

Neil had hovered around like a child whose parents are divorcing, always trying to keep the peace. Boyd hadn't been able to handle that very well either, and he'd snapped at him. And then felt like crap about it. 

After they'd eaten and made the switch - prompting a slightly abashed, apologetic, and deeply grateful look from Joe - they got back on the road. They had hours to go still, and Boyd was anxious to see the house, and excited to see Raylan. It had been almost a month since he had, due to some unexpected delays on his last job. 

Neil was talking, mostly making Boyd laugh and only annoying him a little bit, so far. It was a good ratio. 

"So you and Raylan, are you like, entirely exclusive?"

Boyd was not about to answer that question honestly, considering Raylan's reaction to the thing with Ava. Even had it not been for that, he knew Neil would never let him live it down. He'd be forever texting him to ask if he and Raylan were busy fucking some woman. 

Overall, Boyd thought it had been a success. Raylan had certainly seemed into it when they were doing it, and Boyd felt like they'd both gotten what they needed from it. 

He'd surprised himself with his reaction to watching Raylan with Ava, and wasn't exactly sure what it was about it that had so gotten him going. Some ridiculous straight boy fantasy, he supposed. Which Raylan always had been for him when they were young, anyway. He didn't think of him like that anymore, hadn't since he'd found him cruising a Richmond gay bar, but still. The image of Raylan with his head down there was more or less burned into his brain now. 

Whatever the reasons, Boyd felt more relaxed about it now. It had been reassuringly similar to other threesomes he'd been involved in, just less hot, from his perspective. Raylan had been so beautifully sincere and full of concern about the whole thing, even if Boyd had wanted to feel put out for any reason, that would have wiped it away. 

He knew Raylan had some serious issues regarding his sexuality. He'd been defensive about it from the beginning, which Boyd could easily understand. People could be weird about bisexuals. It seemed like people almost expected it of women; no one was ever surprised, and usually just assumed they were actually straight and looking for attention. Men were often casually dismissed as gay and closeted, or hedging their bets. It had to get old. 

Raylan seemed to have internalized a lot of the weirdness, to the point of feeling guilty about it, whichever gender his partner happened to be. Boyd hated guilt, hated feeling it himself and hated to see it in Raylan, who seemed to have several untapped wells of it inside of him, from various sources. He thought this one was fixable though, and he meant to keep trying. 

He answered Neil's question as cagily as he thought he could get away with, saying, "Currently, and for the foreseeable future, yes." 

Either way, there was no question of what his friend was really trying to ask him. Just the thought of it made Boyd want to cringe and laugh at the same time. 

They arrived in Harlan just after sunset, earlier now as September approached. It had been almost a year since he and Raylan had found each other again, and his life was almost unrecognizable to him, compared to where he'd been at that time. It wasn't that he'd been unhappy; he'd just been coasting. Waiting, or so it seemed to him now. 

The lights were on downstairs, and Boyd saw Ava’s truck and another car that he didn’t recognize, parked in the gravel drive. He pulled up into the grass so they weren’t blocked in - they hadn’t touched the front yard yet, it was mostly dirt and weeds at this point. Joe pulled the truck up next to the van and got out, looking around at the house and what he could see of the property in the dark. 

Boyd pulled out his keys and found the still-shiny one for the front door. He could hear music as he came up the steps - Lucinda Williams, another bit of common ground he’d found with Raylan. He opened the door quietly, hoping for a glimpse of Raylan in the moment before he saw Boyd. Why that meant something to him, he couldn’t be sure, but he liked seeing him in a context other than his own sometimes. 

He walked through the hall to the kitchen, trailed silently by Neil and Joe, who had somehow picked up on and not questioned his secretive entrance. He spotted Raylan leaning against the counter with a glass of something brown in his hand, almost glowing in the warm light of the room, and speaking to someone out of Boyd’s line of vision. Then he calmly shifted his gaze towards the hallway, fixed his eyes on Boyd and gave him a small, private smile, as if he’d known he was there since before he opened the door.

 

Boyd grinned, conceded this one to Raylan. He doubted Raylan could ever get the drop on him either. When he reached the kitchen, he found Ava sitting at the table - which he’d ordered, but hadn’t yet seen in the house -with Tim Gutterson standing next to her, hand on the wall and practically hovering over her. Well, that answered that question, Boyd supposed. Neil was SOL once again. 

Ava got up to hug him, then Tim shook his hand. “I’m glad you’re back,” Tim said. “Art’s afraid he’s going to shoot someone every time he goes out, he’s so damn antsy all the time.”

Boyd grinned at the younger Marshal, and Raylan quickly objected to the characterization. He wasn't antsy at all, he said. Just alert.

"So Raylan," Tim said, "aren't you gonna show Boyd the reason you asked me to come down here and help in the first place?"

"Well, actually, the reason was so you could meet Ava, who you been flirting with all evening. But I do appreciate the help."

Tim glared at him, clearly unused to being one-upped by Raylan, but before he could retort, Raylan slapped Boyd on the shoulder and said, "Come on, I'll show you," and headed toward the back door. 

Raylan flicked on the lights to the patio, which had previously held only some tacky green molded-plastic chairs and a card table, but where now sat a beautiful set of dark brown wicker furniture with dark blue and green cushions, and a matching glass-topped coffee table. 

Boyd looked at Raylan, who seemed absurdly nervous. He smiled at him and said, "You picked this out?"

"Uh... yeah. I hope it's okay. I felt weird about buying something for your house without checking with you."

"Raylan... it's perfect. And you can buy whatever you want for this house."

"Well, don't get too used to it. I don't bring in the industrial demolitions bucks. I wanted to get you something, though, and you said you wanted a sofa for out here..."

Boyd put his arm around Raylan's shoulders and leaned in close to speak into his ear. "Thank you. I love it so much."

The next couple of hours were spent transferring everything in the van and Boyd's truck into the house. Furniture was arranged temporarily and boxes were piled everywhere to be unpacked later, but Boyd wanted to put the bed together right away. Mostly, he wanted an excuse to get Raylan away from everyone else for a little while, so he asked him to help with that. 

Everyone else was busy with something - Joe was filling the bookshelf with books, Neil was unpacking kitchen things, and Tim was pretty much watching Ava make sandwiches while trying to impress her with nonchalant retellings of his finer, or funnier, exploits as a Marshal. 

Boyd shut the bedroom door behind them when they got inside, and Raylan gave him a look.

"We can't do anything with all these people in the house, Boyd."

"It's our house, we can do anything we feel like."

"You really mean it when you say that, don't you?"

"What?"

"Our house. It's _your_ house."

"It's yours as long as it's mine, Raylan."

Raylan walked up to him and kissed him, running his hands up his sides. "I missed you real bad."

"Show me."

Raylan glanced at the door, then shrugged. "Okay."

He walked Boyd back onto the bed and pushed him down, shushing him when he laughed out loud. He pulled Boyd's jeans down about halfway and reached down for him, kissing him and saying, "shh!" and finally putting his free hand over Boyd's mouth when he wouldn't keep quiet. Eventually Boyd was doing it on purpose just to see his eyes bug out in frustration. 

He stopped when Raylan pulled his hand away and said, "If you don't cut it out, I'm walking out of this room and you can put the damn bed together yourself." Boyd smiled in apology and unzipped Raylan's jeans. Neither one of them bothered to try lasting very long, but Boyd figured they could make up for it later. 

As it turned out, Tim and Ava stayed until after midnight, and when they finally got to bed they were both exhausted. Boyd didn't really care so much, though. He was almost giddy with the feeling of having his things in this new place, having his bed here, and Raylan in it. It made even sleep seem like some brand new thing he'd been waiting for.

The next morning, Boyd went out to pick up the glasses that had been left out on the patio, and he glanced out at the back yard. A shock of yellow caught his eye, and he followed it down to a patch of black-eyed susans in the the garden that had been only half-finished the last time he'd been here. Now it was full of color, balanced and beautiful, and he walked down to find that the edges of the bed were dug out, it was mulched, and there was a copper birdbath in the center. 

He couldn't stop smiling as he jogged back up to the house to find Raylan in the living room, looking over some work papers for something he had to do on Monday. 

"Hey! You finished the garden?"

Raylan looked up, grinning. "Me and Ava. Well, to be honest, more Ava. I don't know what the hell I'm doing out there. But I did the heavy lifting and such."

"I guess we owe her dinner or something."

"She wanted to do it, as a housewarming gift."

Boyd raised his eyebrow and said, "Another one?"

Raylan laughed uncomfortably and looked away. Still a bit of weirdness there, then.

They spent the morning and early afternoon emptying boxes and hanging pictures. There was still a lot to do, but Boyd figured he'd finish up during the week while Raylan was at work. He wasn't going without seeing him though, not for awhile. They'd just have to split up the driving and deal with it.

They had dinner plans with Joe and Neil in Lexington, so they quit working in the early afternoon to get ready.

Raylan had gone to take a shower, and Boyd wandered down to the garden. He had never been a fan of having people staying in his house for any length of time, and even though he'd miss his friends when they left in the morning, he was looking forward to having the house and Raylan to himself.

He heard someone coming up behind him, turned and saw that it was Joe. He came over to stand next to Boyd, but didn't say anything.

"Hey," Boyd said, looking over at him. 

"Hey." He fell silent again and put his hands in his pockets.

"Thanks for coming down here to help," he said, more to have something to say than anything else. He'd already thanked him.

"Don't talk to me like that, okay?" His tone was sharp, and he sounded hurt. Boyd didn't know what he'd said to make him sound like that.

"Like what?"

"Like... I'm just anyone. Like you had to ask me this as a _favor_."

"I... what are you talking about?" 

"Boyd... I know we... Don't you know how important you are to me? I've known you for almost nine years. I loved you. I know I screwed it up with you, and I know it's different now, but damn. Can't you even imagine how it feels for me that you just... It's like you were ready to move down here with him the second you walked out of that bar, that night. I expected to come by the next day and find a fucking U-Haul in front of your house."

"My god, Joe, where the hell is this coming from, anyway? Suddenly you have a problem with this? It's not like you - "

With no warning, Joe had his hand on the back of Boyd's head, and he was kissing him. He hadn't done anything like that for years, and the last time it had happened, he'd been extremely drunk and maudlin. 

As Boyd recalled, it had been Joe's 35th birthday, and he'd been moaning about regrets and getting old and shit. Boyd had shut it down as quickly then as he did now, pushing him back and saying, "Don't. Come on, don't do that," in a voice that was kind but brooked no argument. 

"You think he'll never do that to you?" Joe said, sad but with a slight hint of malice. "You think he's going to be satisfied with just you, forever? He's going to want something you can't give him, sooner or later."

Boyd heard the sound of the screen door to the back porch closing, and they both turned toward the house. " _Fuck,_ he said, and looked at Joe with frustrated anger. "You really shouldn't talk about things you don't know shit about." 

He started walking quickly towards the house and Joe jogged to catch up with him, grabbing at his arm. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Boyd. I'll talk to him, tell him-"

"No. Just stay out here, do not come in until I say it's okay. Jesus Christ, I can't believe you."

Boyd went inside and was surprised to see Raylan in the kitchen, reaching into the fridge for a beer. He turned around and held one out, and said, "Want one?"

Boyd nodded and took it from his hand. Raylan got one for himself, and they sat down.

"Raylan, I didn't-"

Raylan was already shaking his head, and he cut him off right away. "I know you didn't. I saw what happened. You thought I'd be mad at _you_?"

"I thought you'd be upset. Hurt, or... something."

"No. I'm not even surprised." Raylan wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t look angry, or worried. 

"Raylan, he didn't really mean anything by it. He was just... saying goodbye, I think." Boyd wasn’t sure that’s what he'd been doing, but he’d been completely caught off guard by it, and he really didn’t know what it had been about.

Raylan gave a short, utterly unconvinced laugh and said, "No he wasn't. He was making sure, that's what he was doing. That's what I would do, if you were leaving me."

"I can't imagine that's... He left it a bit late for that, don't you think?"

"There’s no such thing as too late, Boyd. You know that. He had to be sure. Now he is, right?"

"Yeah. I told him."

"Good." Raylan drank half his beer at once, then set it down and said, "Because I'm going to let it go this time, but if it happens again I'm gonna be real pissed. Unless I say it's okay," he said, quirking his eyebrows once.

Boyd did a double take at him, and said, "Raylan, you are full of surprises."

"It's you and me, Boyd. I ain't afraid, and I don't doubt you. But, uh... I didn't mean anytime soon. I need you all to myself for a good long while. Okay?"

"Me too. God, me too. I can't wait to get these people out of our damn house."

"Well, go get your shower. Sooner we eat, sooner we can get to bed and wake up and say goodbye."

Boyd grinned at him and said, "You sound like my mama on Christmas Eve." 

"Feels like Christmas Eve, kinda."

"You sure you're okay going out to dinner with him? You're really not mad?"

Raylan raised an eyebrow at him and said, "About the kiss, or what he said about me?"

"I didn't know you heard that. I'm sorry. I told him he was wrong." Boyd wanted to strangle Joe at that moment. 

Raylan tilted his head and said, "You didn't always think so," but still he seemed unconcerned.

"Well, I don't know everything, Raylan. You give me too much credit, sometimes."

Raylan smiled, surprised and pleased-looking. "I don't think anyone's ever accused me of that before. But yeah, Boyd, dinner will be fine. Why, do you want me to be mad?"

"No..."

"You certain? You want me to kick his ass or somethin'? Fight for your honor?" He was grinning now, and he looked just like he did the day he'd accused Boyd of wanting to pick out his apartment. 

"Shut up, Raylan."

"Just say the word, darlin'. He's dead meat." 

"I hate you."

"You love me."

Boyd stood up. "I'm getting in the shower. You can tell Joe it's safe to come back in the house now. Or let him stay out there, I really do not care.”

 

They all rode up to Lexington together, in Raylan’s car. Boyd had never been so grateful to have Neil around as he was during that drive. The quieter everyone else was, the more he talked. Raylan seemed fine, and Boyd wasn’t worried about him, but he was a little more subdued than usual - which meant he hardly said a word. 

Boyd, however, was still pissed off. The more he thought about it, the more things he found to be angry about. Joe knew goddamn well what Boyd’s feelings for Raylan were. Hadn’t Boyd been talking to him about it the whole time? Joe had spent time with Raylan when Boyd was in the hospital. He’d never had anything but good things to say about him, after that, but now - now that Boyd was here, had committed to this - he was somehow certain that Raylan would end up betraying him. 

The worst part of it, the part that not only made him angry, but truly hurt him, was that Boyd knew this had nothing to do with Joe actually wanting him. If it had, it would be easier to forgive. If he had really wanted him, he would have asked more than once to come back, or he would have said something about it as soon as he saw what was happening with Raylan, before he’d gotten in so deep. He’d waited until the last possible moment, until he was sure Boyd wasn’t going anywhere, before pulling this shit. 

 

 

They had reservations at a place Tim had told Raylan about a while back, with a slightly overwrought menu, an unnecessarily long list of bourbons and a decent wine list. It seemed like a good place to bring out of town guests. Boyd was thinking now they should have just gone for the meat and three at the diner in Cumberland. He was in no mood to drive two hours and drop a shitload of money for a pretentious dinner, when he could barely even stand to look at one of the people he was eating with.

There wasn't a lot of open space in the dining room, and they were seated very close to a middle aged couple who seemed to be on a second or third date, judging from their body language and conversation, which was easy to overhear. 

Raylan seemed to have pulled himself out of his head a bit by the time they sat down, and he was talking to Joe about Miami as if nothing at all had happened. Boyd had no idea how the conversation between them had gone, after Boyd had gone upstairs. When he'd finished getting dressed, Raylan was on the living room sofa with Boyd's laptop, checking the address of the restaurant, and Joe was reading a magazine in the chair opposite him.

Boyd ordered the 20 year old Pappy Van Winkle, as if somehow the act of drinking a $25 glass of bourbon was going to put him in a better mood. Raylan rolled his eyes at him and asked for a Makers Mark. 

Neil ordered his usual vodka tonic, then said, “So Boyd, you still have to come back to Richmond to do all the closing stuff with your house, right?” 

“Well, I could probably do it from here, but I need to go back up to tie up some loose ends with work stuff anyway, so yeah. I’ll be back up next month.”

“That’ll be fun! We can go out like old times.”

Boyd smiled at him, thinking that sounded unlikely to him at the moment, but said, “Yeah. I’ll let you know when I’ll be there.”

“You know I’d offer to put you up, but my place is tiny. Joe has plenty of room though - I guess you’ll stay with him.”

The other conversation at their table came to a grinding halt, and Boyd had no idea what to say in answer. Normally, that would have been a given, and he knew Neil would find it strange if he said he was going to stay in a hotel. As it was, the boy was looking back and forth at the three of them in confusion. 

“Why are you all acting so weird tonight?” He leaned forward towards Boyd and said - quietly, presumably so the couple at the next table didn’t hear him - “Did you guys fuck or something and leave me out of it?”

Boyd put a hand to his forehead and shook his head. “Neil... no. Just... forget it. It’s nothing. Yeah, I’m sure he’d be happy to put me up. Right, Joe?”

“Of course I would,” Joe said. 

In a mild tone of voice that was fooling no one, Raylan said, “Or you could just get a hotel room.”

Boyd turned his head very fast to look at Raylan. He had to fight down a smile - Raylan had been so relaxed about the whole situation, and had obviously gone to great lengths not to appear the least bit threatened, but there it was. Raylan was looking back at him, daring him to have a problem with it, which he didn’t. He loved it - both the spark of jealousy and the heroic effort to keep it hidden.

Boyd nodded, and said, “Or I could do that.” He felt Raylan’s foot against the side of his calf, and he pushed his leg into it. 

The waiter came back with their drinks, and took their dinner orders. When he’d left, Joe said, “Well, there’s no need to stay in a hotel. The guest room locks from the inside, you know.”

Neil was staring at Joe. “What did you do?”

Joe didn’t answer, just sipped at his glass of wine and looked away. Neil looked at Raylan, who just shook his head minutely and made some sort of placating gesture with his hand. 

They all drank quietly for a bit, then Raylan asked Neil where he was from in Florida - “the worst part,” as Neil always said - and they talked about that for awhile, comparing the brand of hick he’d grown up around with the ones in Harlan County. It was a funny conversation, even though Boyd had heard a good deal of Neil’s material on this subject before. Joe was almost completely silent the whole time.

They ate, and mostly talked about the food, which Boyd grudgingly had to admit was pretty good. When the check came, Boyd put his credit card down and waved off Raylan's attempt to split it with him. 

The ride home was even more tense than the ride into Lexington, with even Neil falling silent for much of the time. Boyd's anger had dissipated, and he was left with mostly sadness. 

When they finally arrived, Joe went upstairs almost immediately. Neil looked between Raylan and Boyd and said, "He probably didn't mean it, whatever it was. You know he's just bummed about you moving, Boyd."

"Yeah, I know he is," Boyd replied, sighing. 

Raylan said he was tired, and was going to head up to bed. "Wake me up if I'm asleep when you get there. Good night, Neil."

"Night, Raylan."

When Raylan had gone, Boyd said, "Joe kissed me, okay?"

Neil’s eyes bugged out. "Like for real?"

"Yes. And then he said some shitty things about Raylan."

"Oh, like about how he's going to get tired of just having a guy and he's going to cheat on you?" He rolled his eyes. 

"So I guess this is a recurring theme with him?"

"Not really, he said it on the way down here, that's all. He said it like he was concerned, you know, but I think it was actually kind of bitchy."

"Uh huh."

"I told him he sounded like a bitter old queen."

Boyd laughed, and said, "Thanks for that. He's two years younger than me." 

"I only said it because he was being a dick. You're not old."

"Well, I am, kind of. But thanks. Anyway, Raylan saw the whole thing, and worse than that he heard."

Neil looked truly upset by that, and Boyd was reminded of why he had stayed friends with this boy for so long, despite the fact that he was frequently exasperating. "Oh no! That's terrible. Raylan's a sweetheart. Anyone can see how he feels about you. I never saw him get possessive like that before, though. That was cute."

"It was, wasn't it?"

"You should go upstairs before he falls asleep. I'm gonna sit out on the patio for awhile and text Phoebe about all this crazy shit."

"Okay, kid. You're a good friend, Neil. Thanks."

Neil hugged him, and then went outside. Boyd was climbing the stairs when he heard low, tense voices on the second floor. 

He heard Raylan's voice first, saying "...what you think you know about me, but that is not my problem."

Joe spoke then, quiet but furious, "You brought him down here to this place. You don't even seem to care that it's dangerous for him. He's vulnerable here, can't you see that?"

"I don't make his decisions for him. And I know that's not what this is about, anyway."

"You don't know anything. He's the only -"

He broke off as Boyd stepped into the upstairs hallway. Raylan was standing by the door to their room, and Joe had his toothbrush in his hand like he'd been on the way to or from the bathroom.

"I don't much care for being argued over, like somebody's goddamn pet." He didn't even know what that meant, but they both looked at him guiltily.

Raylan said, "Fine. I'm going to bed, that's all I wanted to do in the first place. You coming?"

"Yeah, Raylan, in a minute."

Raylan shrugged and went into the bedroom, closing the door carefully, as if he had to consciously stop himself from slamming it.

Boyd turned to Joe and said, "What are you doing? Are you really trying to fuck up nine years of friendship because you're afraid of being alone?"

"It wasn't just friendship, Boyd. You can't just go back and rewrite things just because you think they're no longer relevant to your life."

"Is that what you think I'm doing? You're the one who walked out on me, you asshole. And that's fine, because I don't want to be anyone's goddamn life preserver. You don't want me. You just want to keep me close."

"No, that's not true. I did want you back, I always did. You never believed me."

"I didn't want _you_ back. Not like that. You were right to leave. It was never going to work. But I thought we worked as friends. Maybe you're the one rewriting things to suit you."

"Well, now you're leaving. You've left, and I won't even have that anymore."

Boyd’s stomach turned over. He didn’t want that. It felt like losing his family all over again - worse, in a way, because he’d chosen him. "Jesus, why? Why does it have to be like that? Why did you have to blow it up like this?"

"What is it about him that makes you feel so sure? You're no kind of romantic. You don't do things like this."

"He's my home.” Boyd hadn’t given those words any thought before saying them, and he didn’t know if they made much sense. The way Joe was frowning at him, he thought maybe not. He tried again. “I've loved him as long as I can remember. When he left, it was like an actual wound. The regret I felt at never telling him - it hurt like fire, and I couldn’t tell _anyone_. When I found him again, it felt like... like a part of me that I didn’t even know was still burning had finally healed up. Is that romantic enough for you? If you think a person can have feelings like that and not be sure, then there's no way I can make you understand it."

Joe didn't say anything for some time, and Boyd wasn't surprised. He'd never said anything like that to him before - not to anyone except Raylan, because in all honesty, he was not entirely comfortable with the fact that he felt that way. Joe had been right, in a way; Boyd had always made pragmatism his personal philosophy. He did have a romantic streak, clearly, and not just where Raylan was concerned, but he didn't let it rule his choices.

Joe stood there looking stricken, staring at Boyd, and finally said, "I didn't really know, Boyd. You never even talked about him before you saw him again. All that time, you..."

Boyd felt bad then, almost wished he could take it back, because he knew it was hurtful. But it was also true, and he needed to know it. 

He reached out a conciliatory hand and said, "I couldn’t talk about him. There was nothing to tell. I didn’t even know... whatever way I could have chosen to talk about him would have felt like a lie. He was my friend, but that didn’t cover it. But he wasn’t anything else, either. Saying I’d fallen in love with him, or something like that - that just sounds stupid. You would have thought, ‘Oh, Boyd had a crush on some straight boy who was probably completely oblivious. That’s adorable.’ And maybe I didn’t know if that’s all it was either. I thought it was just something from another time and place, that it was my job to get over. And I thought I’d done that, but obviously I was mistaken.”

“Just because you didn’t think I’d get it was no reason not to tell me about it.”

“I’m sure that’s true. I might have talked about it at one time, but by the time I met you, he was married and I felt like an idiot about it.”

Joe shook his head at him and made a small, frustrated sound. “Boyd... you’re the worst, you know that? You felt like you couldn’t tell me about something because you thought it made you look bad. I was supposed to be the person you could show that stuff to.”

Boyd nodded, knowing he was right, but he’d just never felt that way with him. He’d never trusted him like he’d known he was supposed to. He had no idea whose fault that was, or if it was anyone’s, but he said, “I’m sorry. I know. I just couldn’t.”

“I do want to be your friend, still. Did I ruin it?”

Boyd felt suddenly very tired. He sighed and shook his head. “No, it’s not ruined. Just a little beat up. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Boyd -”

“No, I didn’t mean that. Or maybe I did, I don’t know. We’ll be fine. You’re gonna have to figure out how to fix it with Raylan, though. I’m not apologizing for you. And speaking of that, Neil’s not too happy with you at the moment either.”

“You told him? Thanks a ton. He’s a name-caller when he gets mad.”

“So I hear, you bitter old queen.”

Joe made a gesture like he was brushing away an insect. “Someone so ridiculous should not have the power to wound so deeply.”

Boyd grinned at the floor, not willing to give in to a laugh just yet, but feeling much better. “I need to get in there now. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sure. Okay. Good night.”

Boyd said good night and smiled a little as he watched Joe walk down the stairs. He opened the door to his room. The lights were out and Raylan was quiet, but Boyd knew he wouldn’t be asleep. He got undressed and slipped under the covers, sliding over lay against his back and wrap an arm around his waist.

“Raylan. Talk to me, please.”

“Would you still want to be here, in Harlan, if we weren’t together?”

“This is about what he said. That you brought me here.”

“You’re a grown man, Boyd. I know I didn’t bring you anywhere. But it’s true, I don’t like being part of a decision-making process that puts you in danger. He said I didn’t care, but that’s bullshit. I always cared. You know you could be in Lexington, with me or on your own, if you wanted to, right? You know I’m not afraid of that, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Are _you_ afraid of that?”

“No, not anymore. But that’s not why I’m in Harlan. Lexington would only be home because of you. This is home because... because it is. I feel right here.”

"I do too, when I'm here with you. I never thought I could. You make me feel it differently. You make me feel better about a lot of things."

"You do that for me too, Raylan. You never believe me when I tell you, but it's true. You woke me up."

"I don't want you to lose a friend over me, Boyd. I can't shoulder that, darlin'."

"It wouldn't be over you. But that's not going to happen anyway, we sort of worked it out. Apparently there were issues of which I was blissfully unaware for many years."

"Yeah, I know that story."

"I know you do."

Raylan turned over in Boyd's arms and kissed him. "You want to fool around?"

"Not really. I just want to go to sleep so the morning comes faster. After we drop them off at the airport, we can spend the rest of the day in bed if we feel like it."

"Christmas morning, baby." 

Boyd kissed him again and turned over, dragging Raylan's arm over himself.


	3. Better Than What Came Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loretta hates her foster home and comes to see Boyd. Also, Dickie Bennett and Dewey Crowe, road dogs, get taught a lesson when they try to mess with Boyd.

Boyd came back in from weeding the garden, pulling off his sweaty t-shirt as he walked inside and tossing it in the little laundry room off the kitchen. He filled a glass with tap water and drank it down in a few gulps before reaching into the fridge for a beer. He started to close the door, when something caught his eye, even before his brain understood what he was seeing. The white butcher paper-wrapped package of sliced roast beef he'd bought just that morning at the store, which he'd been planning to have for lunch, was coming unwrapped. When he looked closer, he saw that the sticker had been torn slightly, as if someone had tried and failed to peel it back without damaging it. 

What the fuck? He supposed someone might be trying to mess with him, but that seemed kind of subtle for most of the assholes in these parts who might be so inclined. 

Boyd walked quietly through the hall, glancing into the dining room and entering the living room to look around. When he found no one, he went back to the kitchen and into the laundry room to grab the shotgun he kept there, before he went upstairs. Probably an overreaction, he thought, but he didn't like the idea of being caught unarmed on the second floor by anyone. As he walked back through the kitchen, he saw movement in his peripheral vision, through the window. Someone was just closing the door to the tool shed, and he looked over just in time to see some long hair before the door was shut.

Boyd replaced the shotgun, retrieved his shirt and walked out to the shed. He pulled the door open carefully, standing to the side - he didn't think anything was going to happen, but he remembered that gun trained on Mags, and the desperation in her eyes that afternoon.

She was sitting against the side of the shed, behind the lawnmower, eating a slice of roast beef. "Hey, Boyd," she said, meeting his eyes without any guilt whatsoever.

"Loretta," he replied easily. "I'd have been happy to make you a sandwich before calling Raylan to come and take you back to your foster family. You didn't need to go stealing my deli meats."

"I don't want to go back! I hate it there. You said I should see what's out there, but I don't like it. I like it here."

"In my tool shed?"

"There ain't no woods for me to walk in there. And even if there was, I wouldn't be allowed because it ain't safe, according to them. Someone might grab me - as if I wouldn't know how to handle myself if they did." She stuck her chin out, proud and pissed off. 

"I know I missed these woods when I went away. And the hills. You want to go for a walk with me? I still gotta call Raylan, but we can walk first if you want."

She sighed and looked glum, but said, "All right."

They started towards the trees, heading in to where it was darker, cooler. Boyd knew where there was a creek cutting through, and he figured they could go out that far before turning back, and sending her back to reality.

"You been keeping out of trouble? Other than the running away, I mean."

"I guess. Do we have to talk about this? It's boring."

"We can talk about whatever you want."

"Where did you go when you left here?"

He looked at her, surprised. In his experience, most kids didn't give a shit about the lives of the adults they knew. "The first time, I went to Iraq, in the first Gulf War."

"Operation Desert Storm. We learned about that in school."

"Yeah. Well, that makes it sound a lot cooler than it was. But I was there until I was twenty-one, then I came home and left again right away."

"'Cause people here don't like the gays," she said, nodding like she knew what was what.

"Well... not only because of that. Mostly it was that there wasn't enough here. I knew if I wanted to find people like me, or other people who didn't fit in where they came from for whatever reason, I'd have to go somewhere else."

Loretta looked at Boyd like he was missing the obvious. "But didn't you just end up with a boy you met here anyway? You coulda waited right here."

"That's not how it works.. You can't just sit around waiting for someone else to make you happy. Don't you know that, girl? Harlan don't breed no princesses."

She looked at him sharply, like she thought he might be making fun of her. He smiled, tried to take the sting out, then continued talking. 

"I moved to Chicago first, just because it sounded big and about as different from here as I could imagine. I didn't much care for it, though. Too cold in the winter, too unfriendly. Turns out I'm not much of a big city person. But I tried it, because I didn't know. How could I?"

"But you moved to another city."

"Yeah, but smaller. And southern. Warmer than here, actually. Turned out to be just what I needed, for a long time."

"What was so great about it?"

"It's not that Richmond was so great - it's like a hundred other little cities, or big towns. But I made friends, I had work, I fell in love, I bought a house. I lived my life, kid. That's what you do."

"You fell in love with someone else first?"

"No, I fell in love with Raylan first. Some people fall in and out of love all the time. I fell in love twice in my life, but I only fell out of it once."

"How could you love someone else if you already loved him?" Loretta looked almost affronted, and Boyd pushed down a smile. 

"Love's not how you think of it when you're young. It doesn't block everything and everyone else out. Why are you asking all these questions? You in love with someone?"

" _No._ "

"Okay. Well, you can ask whatever you like."

"Can I come and visit you again and walk in your woods?"

"I don't know," Boyd answered honestly. "It's fine by me, but I think the people you live with might feel differently. You can't be running off though."

They had reached the creek, and Boyd sat down on a rotting fallen tree. Loretta sat down next to him and stared at the rippling water.

"I guess we have to go back soon, huh?"

"Pretty soon. We can sit for a few minutes."

They sat for almost half an hour, then headed back. Boyd made her a sandwich and poured her a glass of iced tea, then called Raylan. 

As it turned out, he was only about 45 minutes away, on some business with Rachel, who Boyd had only met once before when he'd come up to meet Raylan for dinner after work. 

Boyd gave Loretta his laptop to use while he went to take a shower. He was just coming downstairs when he heard the car pull up into the drive. 

Boyd went out the front door to meet Rachel and Raylan as they were getting out of the car. Raylan got out of the driver's seat and came around the car, grinning at Boyd.

"Hey. I didn't expect to see you 'til tomorrow night."

"Seems fate has intervened once again. Hi, Rachel. Good to see you."

"Hey, Boyd," she said, smiling politely, "This is a nice place. Looks like you're gentrifying Harlan one house at a time."

"I believe I'll try to keep my expectations low on that score. Thanks, though."

Raylan nodded towards the house and said, "She okay?"

Boyd shrugged and said, "More or less. But I'm not sure she won't do this again. Girl's got a hard head."

"Yeah. I don't know what to do about her. She's only gotta deal with it three more years, then she can do what she likes."

"She's got no concept of three years, Raylan. It seems like her whole life to her."

Rachel started walking to the house, then stopped and asked, "Why'd she come here, anyway? How did she even know where you live?"

"We had a pretty good talk after I took her out of Mags's house. I guess she latched onto me for some reason. Plus maybe she thought she'd find Raylan here. How she found it, I'd imagine she only had to ask anyone around here. I'm kinda famous, don't you know?"

"Well, let's go get her," she said.

They went in to find Loretta curled up on the sofa, asleep, laptop open. Boyd went over to close out of whatever she was looking at - he figured it was nobody’s business. Raylan went over and gently shook her shoulder. She sat up fast, body tense until she saw who was there. 

"Hey, Loretta."

"Oh. Hi."

"That there is Rachel, she's another Marshal who was with me when Boyd called. We're gonna drive you back to Lexington."

"Can't I just stay here?"

"That ain't a serious question. Come on, let's get going. Did Boyd give you something to eat?"

"Sandwich. Plus I stole some roast beef and a peach before he found me."

Raylan smirked in Boyd's direction and said, "A 15 year old girl managed to sneak into the house when your back was turned? I feel I don't even know you anymore."

"Shut up, Raylan. I didn't lock the door when I was working in the yard. I am always alert for troublemakers, but I was not anticipating a little long-haired hillbilly meat thief."

Raylan and Rachel both laughed, and Loretta rolled her eyes at him, pushing down a smile. Raylan put his arm on her back. She finally stood up, picked up her bag and trudged over to the door. She glanced back at Boyd and he held her gaze for a moment, smiled and nodded at her. He almost hoped she’d show up again.

 

Raylan drove down the following day, a Friday, and stayed the weekend. They’d gone out for barbecue on Saturday night, as usual - it seemed they were both creatures of habit, and of course it was damn good barbecue. 

“Curtis actually said hello to us, using our names, when he took our orders tonight, did you notice?” 

“I did notice that. ‘Course, we’re in there almost every Saturday, he ought to be used to it by now,” Boyd said. 

“Well, I guess he is, now,” Raylan said, unconcerned. 

When they got back to the house, Boyd said he wanted to go for a night hike.

“Yeah?” Raylan said, not especially into it. “I was kinda looking forward to having a drink and then maybe throwing you on the bed.”

“You couldn’t throw me if you tried, Raylan Givens,” Boyd said, and Raylan made a mental note to test that theory some time. 

“I’ll go for a hike if you want. Just a short one though, okay?”

“That’s all I had in mind, anyway.”

They walked for awhile, not talking a whole lot. Every now and then, one of them would make a comment, and the other would respond, but mostly they listened to the woods. 

When they’d gotten about half a mile into the trees, Boyd stopped, and said, “Hang on a minute.” He looked around, then turned a few degrees to the left and walked that way, grinning. “Come on, over here.”

Raylan was bewildered, but he followed without asking. Boyd glanced back to make sure he was coming, then crouched down to pull something out from behind a large rock. 

“Boyd, what are you..."

Boyd was busy spreading out an old quilt on a patch of land that looked as if it had been recently cleared of rocks and branches. Then he went over to the rock again and pulled out a Mason jar, held it up for Raylan to see. 

Raylan walked over to him and took the jar from his hand, then looked again at the blanket. “You had something in mind? You ain’t gonna propose, are you? ‘Cause I expect a hot air balloon, at a minimum.”

Boyd grinned in amusement, but didn’t answer right away, just lay down on the blanket with his hands under his head, looking up at the little bits of moonlit night sky that showed through the leaves. Raylan laughed very softly, then went to lie down next to him. 

He looked over at Boyd, who had a small smile on his face and looked far away. “When did you set this up, anyway?” 

Boyd turned his face toward Raylan and replied, “Thursday night. I thought of it when I was out here with Loretta that day. I realized, I got all this land, and I don’t put it to nearly enough use. When I was a kid, I was all over these hills, all hours of the day and night. You and me, we used to come out here sometimes.”

“Out here? I don’t remember.”

“Yeah, a couple times, we did. I knew no one would bother us this far away from anything else.”

“Not like they woulda interrupted anything.”

“Oh Raylan, I lived in a state of constant hope, in those days.”

“I lived in a near-constant state of despair. Once in awhile someone managed to distract me from that, though.” He sat up to grab the shine, opened it and passed it to Boyd, who propped himself up on his elbow to take a drink. 

“Let’s not overdo it tonight. I don’t want to pass out before we have a chance to right some old wrongs.”

Raylan took the jar from him and replaced the lid. He set it to the side, careful that it was on level ground, then climbed on top of Boyd. They fucked under the canopy of trees, barely visible to one another in the filtered moonlight, and didn’t speak again until they were settled under a second blanket, sated and sleepy now. 

Raylan felt himself drifting off, then became aware of a rock digging into the back of his thigh. He shifted, but then he realized how hard the ground actually was. Boyd’s extra weight on him didn’t help either.

“Boyd.”

“Mmmhm.”

“This is nice...”

“Isn’t it though? Better than old times.”

“Yeah. Except... I somehow don’t recall it being quite so uncomfortable.”

“Well...” Boyd sounded reluctant to admit to it, but he finally said, “It is a little bit uncomfortable, now you mention it.”

“We didn’t have our very own bed we could go sleep in, together, any time we felt like it, back then.”

“Of course not. Getting drunk and sleeping on the ground with your best buddy and occasionally huddling under a blanket for warmth, that’s clearly on solidly heterosexual ground. Put that same scenario in a bed, it might seem a little gay.”

“Does the fact that we just fucked out here change the equation in any way?”

“Probably not. Cuddling with a guy is much gayer than just fucking.”

“Guess we’ll just have to live with it, then,” he said, pulling his arm out from under Boyd’s neck and standing up. “Jesus, it’s getting cold. Come on, get dressed.” He tossed Boyd his clothes. 

Boyd threw on his clothes and they hiked back quickly. Raylan was glad Boyd had brought him out to the woods tonight. He loved it when Boyd would pull him into the past for a little bit, but he loved the coming back into the present even more.

 

Weeks passed, and the weather turned sharply, unseasonably cold as November approached. Boyd cleared out dead plants from the garden, raked leaves from the new grass in front of the house, and thought about getting a heater for the patio. 

He knew he'd have to find some work at some point, but he didn't feel much like it at the moment. He didn't feel like traveling anymore, felt settled in a way that he used to think he didn't want to be. 

He'd been thinking about what Rachel had said about gentrifying Harlan. Not that he had any such goals in mind, but he had a lot of property. Maybe he could build rentals or something, bring in money without doing too much else. Then again, that could bring another set of complications. This was Harlan, and he was a Crowder - it was possible that any business venture, legitimate or not, would be looked upon with suspicion. 

He woke up at around 3am on a Wednesday, to what sounded for all the world like someone giggling. His thoughts turned first to Loretta, since she was the only teenaged girl he knew, but he realized he could not imagine her making such a sound. 

He'd left the windows open despite the chill, because when Raylan wasn't there he liked to pile on blankets and the comforter. He wondered about himself sometimes, didn't know where this desire for comfort and warmth had come from. It was new to him, strange and a bit disconcerting. 

Boyd sat up in bed and listened, and after awhile the sound came again, followed very clearly by a shushing sound, and whispered words that he could not make out. 

He sighed as the realization came to him, he was going to have to Deal With Something this morning. He pulled on some clothes and put on his heavy work boots, thinking the chances were good he'd need to stomp someone. 

Best case scenario, it was teenagers, coming to mess with his house for bragging rights. If that's what it turned out to be, Boyd would just scare the little shits and send them back with a message for their fellow little shits that you don't mess with a Crowder of Harlan, regardless of anything else he might be. 

If it turned out to be something else, well... he had a gun. He didn't want to use it, but he wouldn't hesitate if he had to. 

He went downstairs, grabbed the shotgun and exited through the patio door. He walked quietly around the house, in the direction of where the whispering had come from, then stopped when he heard a scratching noise. He rounded the corner to find Dickie Bennett and some pie-faced shitkicker Boyd didn't recognize, working the lock to the basement door. He cocked the shotgun and they both looked up, eyes wide and frozen. 

"Dickie, you have got to be the dumbest motherfucker I have ever met. Are you _trying_ to go to prison? Or did you want me to shoot you?"

"Ah, now, Boyd, I didn't mean no harm... just a prank, I swear..." Dickie stammered out nonsense for a little while, and Boyd watched him with a kind of disgusted fascination. 

Apparently, his buddy had grown impatient with him, and he broke in, saying, "Goddamn, Dickie. You gonna grovel to this faggot like that? Jesus fuckin'-"

"And what's your name, asshole?" Boyd interrupted.

"Fuck you, faggot."

Boyd's eyes widened, and he gave a smile like that was exactly what he'd wanted to hear.

"Now, I'm not going to shoot you for calling me names, but I may just do it for waking me up in the middle of the goddamn night, wasting my time, and generally being damn stupid. I got a gun on you, boy. And I got friends in law enforcement, so I'm not worried about the repercussions, you get me?" 

In reality, Boyd was dreading the shitshow that would occur if he were forced to shoot one of these assholes. "Now, tell me your name."

"Dewey Crowe," he spat.

"Dewey. How do you know my dear old friend Dickie, here?"

"He never said y'all was friends. What the fuck, Dick?"

Boyd sighed. He might actually feel a little bad if he had to hurt this man, dumb as he was.

"We ain't, stupid!" Dickie was staring at Dewey indignantly. "Remember? His goddamn _boyfriend_ is the one who done this to my leg."

"Dickie, you know as well as I do, that business was settled a long time ago. You don't have standing to go opening that shit up again. I bet your mama wouldn't like to hear about this."

"That don't concern you, Crowder. Mind your own business."

"My property, my business. You want me to call Raylan? Have him drive down from Lexington in the middle of the goddamn night so he can haul you off to jail? You'll have plenty of time to talk it out then, if you do desire."

"Come on, now-"

"Enough. I want to know who Dewey is. You live in Harlan, son?"

"Yeah."

"And what, may I ask, do you do for a living?"

"Uh... this and that."

"For whom do you perform this, and that?"

Dewey clammed up then, and got a scared look on his face, like he had only just realized he may have made an enormous mistake.

"You work for someone in Harlan, Dewey?" Boyd asked softly.

He stared back belligerently, but Boyd could see the real fear in his eyes now.

Even more softly, Boyd said, "Is your employer aware of your activities this evening?"

Dewey shook his head stiffly, then looked at the ground.

"If I ever see either one of you, anywhere near my property again, we will not have anything to discuss. You will be walking this earth no more, do you both understand me?

Dickie looked at him, startled. "You trying to say you're letting us go? Why ain't you calling up and crying to the Marshal?"

"Much as I'm sure he'd love to see you, Dickie, I don't feel much like bothering him with this. This is Harlan business, and I'll deal with it in Harlan. You want to challenge me on that, I may change my tune right quick."

They ran off, down the drive to wherever they'd parked their vehicle. Boyd heard the faint sound of the engine starting, and he went back inside to make coffee. There was no question of going back to sleep now.

He spent the morning researching rental prices and building codes in Harlan County, giving some thought to whether his half-formed idea had any practical merit. 

Around three in the afternoon, Boyd got in his truck and drove out to see Johnny at the bar. It was the first time he'd set foot in the place since nearly dying there many months back, and he would have been lying if he'd said it didn't affect him. He brushed that shit off though, because he needed to take care of this business now, today, before it got worse.

Johnny was standing behind the bar with a notebook, scribbling down his inventory, maybe. He glanced up when Boyd came in, and couldn't prevent a look of shock from crossing his face before settling back into a scowl. 

Boyd approached him, sat down on a stool and said, "Hey, cousin." 

He looked around quickly, saw that the place was deserted but for one old man sitting halfway down the bar, and a couple of hillbillies well on their way to oblivion sitting at a table.

"Boyd. Never thought I'd see you in this place again."

"Well, I can't say I was too anxious to visit, but I was compelled due to forces beyond my control."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You got a boy, name of Dewey Crowe, working for you?"

Johnny made a dismissive sound and shook his head in what looked like regret. "Yeah, he's one of mine. He can be useful, you got someone telling him exactly what to do, but he ain't a thinker, that one."

"Then, Dickie Bennett is probably not the best fit for him as a partner in crime."

Johnny's head shot up and he said sharply, "What the fuck does Dickie Bennett have to do with anything?"

"Well, as it happens, those two geniuses were trying to break into my house at 3 o'clock this morning. You need to keep your boys in line, cousin, and keep them off my damn property."

"You think you're gonna come in tell me how to handle my own men? Why should I get involved with this shit, anyway? I didn't tell you to move here."

"I'll give you two good reasons, Johnny. First, you let your boys fuck with family, you look weak. Unless, of course, you set it up yourself. In which case, I gotta question your judgement."

"You know I didn't."

"Yeah, I do know that. Which brings me to my second point. You're not Bo. You got no reason to feel personally affronted by me."

"So? Don't mean I gotta like it."

"I don't give a shit about what you like. That's not hardly the point. Look here, this is about your priorities. If you're gonna choose pride over blood, then you're not worth my time. You want to tell me we're not family, now's the time to say it."

Johnny's scowl deepened, and he looked away. He poured a shot and set it down in front of Boyd, then busied himself with his notebook again. 

As Boyd picked up the shot, his phone started ringing. He took the shot, then checked the phone to see Raylan's name on the display. He picked it up and said, "Hey."

"Hey yourself. I'm at the house, where you at?"

"What are you doing there, not yet 4 on a Wednesday afternoon?"

"Just so happens I was close by, decided I could maybe fudge an hour of work and just head home, stay the night. I'll have to get up early tomorrow, but..."

"Yeah. Great. I'll be there in a half-hour or so, okay?"

"Sure. What're you up to?"

"Uh... well, I'm at Johnny's."

"You're where, now? What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened, I just stopped in to say hi."

"Boyd, who do you think you're talking' to? If that ain't the biggest load a crap I ever heard, I don't know what. Why did you go out there?"

"Raylan, I-"

" You know what? Never mind. You're havin' a drink out, I'll come join you for one. I'll even buy you a round, if Johnny'll take my money."

"No, look, I'm about to head home anyway-"

"Nah, don't do that. I'll be there right quick. See ya."

Raylan hung up the phone and glanced over at Johnny, who looked like he might want to laugh. Boyd downed his shot and put his head in his hand. He did not want Raylan finding out about this shit. 

Raylan already felt responsible for Dickie not being in jail - he'd been sure they could get him on conspiracy for McCready's murder, so he had conveniently left out all that shit about Wade Messer and Dickie stringing him up. Boyd couldn’t say he blamed him; that shit was damned embarrassing, and it wouldn't do Raylan's career any favors. 

Now, though, Dickie was coming around causing trouble. Boyd didn't think it was any kind of trouble he couldn't handle, especially if Johnny came around a little. Raylan did not need to be thinking about this. 

Johnny brought him another drink, and poured one for himself as well. 

"I ain't your enemy, Boyd. I'm not sure how much I can do for you, though. I'm still just holdin' on here. I ain't Bo, like you said. I don't want to be, but I also just _can't_ be. He had something, people just listened to him. They don't, with me, not yet."

"Time was, I might be able to offer you advice. But I been out of it a long, long time. You can't hesitate, I know that. And even if it takes you a year to make a decision, you can't let anyone see that. They gotta think you woke up in the morning with the idea, and it's happening today."

"This should have been yours, you know. Woulda been."

"I have no regrets, Johnny. You're welcome to it, and I hope it stands you in good stead. You put in the time, it's yours."

Johnny opened his mouth to reply, but the door opened at that moment and Raylan came in. He slid onto the barstool next to Boyd and said, "Fancy meeting you here." 

He looked at Johnny and smiled at him like he was his favorite bartender. "Hey there, Johnny. I'd love a double Jack Daniels, little bit of ice. And you can add whatever Boyd's drinking onto my tab. I said I was buying."

"Boyd don't pay for drinks here, Givens. He's family." 

Raylan raised his eyebrows at that, unable to keep the hint of a smile off his face. "Well," he said, "that's fine then. Just mine."

Johnny brought him his drink, then wandered away - but, Boyd noticed, not so far away he wouldn't be able to hear them, unless they were whispering. 

"So you gonna tell me what brought you out here today?"

"Actually, no. I don't think I will. I gotta tell you everything, suddenly?" Boyd knew his was the wrong tack, and he hadn't even been aware of the kernel of irritation he had over the fact that Raylan just wouldn't let this go, until he'd voiced it.

Raylan gazed at him impassively, then said, "Well, now I damn well know it ain't nothing. Hey, Johnny - how 'bout you fill me in on whatever this is."

Johnny walked over to where they were sitting, leaned in and and hissed, "I ain't telling you shit. I don't want any parts of your little domestic. He don't want to tell you, that's his business."

Raylan grinned suddenly, and Boyd did not like the looks of it. Well, actually- he liked the look of it quite a bit, it was a very Raylan kind of grin- but it looked dangerous. 

"You know, Boyd, I ain’t seen you since Monday morning. I can't believe I walked in and sat down and plum forgot to give you a kiss. Come here, boy."

Johnny's eyes snapped open wide, and he glared at Boyd. He said, "Goddamn it, Boyd. Just fucking tell him. I don't know what the problem is anyway, why shouldn’t he know?"

Boyd sighed and rubbed at his face. He'd been up half the night, and he was exhausted. If Raylan wanted to know so bad, he could just deal with the guilt on his own.

"It's not a big deal, Raylan, and I didn't want you making one of it. Dickie and some other white trash asshole were on the property last night, trying to break into the house. I caught them, I ran them off, it's over with." He didn't explain why he'd gone to Johnny, though he thought Raylan might be able to put two and two together. 

Raylan was staring at him, jaw muscles rolling in his face. He was breathing hard through his nose. "Dickie Bennett. Was at our house."

Johnny looked at Raylan sharply, but kept his comments to himself.

"I handled it."

"And you didn't think I might be someone you should let in on that information?" 

"Raylan-"

Raylan put up his hands in mock-surrender, and Boyd could see that he was pissed, and also hurt. "Okay, Boyd. No matter what you've said, the truth is it's your house, not mine. Your house. Your business. You need my help, you let me know."

Raylan drained his glass and threw some money on the bar. He moved to get up, but Boyd put a hand on his forearm and said, "Wait a minute, goddamn it." He took the hand off as soon as he knew Raylan was staying - he really didn't want to antagonize Johnny at such a transitional stage.

"I was wrong. I should have told you as soon as it happened. I'm sorry."

"I ain't an idiot, Boyd. I know exactly why you didn't. You don’t need to do that."

"Yeah, okay."

Raylan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe... maybe you ought to see about a more portable weapon, one you can keep on you around the house."

“I’m not under siege, Raylan. I live there. I’m not in the habit of being armed like that all the time, anymore, and I can’t say I really want to be. All the months I been living there, this is the first thing that’s happened. And it’s Dickie Bennett. Who the hell lets Dickie Bennett get the drop on them?” He kept his gaze straight ahead, and didn’t grin, but he heard Raylan huff.

“Yeah,” he replied. “He’s no Loretta McCready, that’s for sure.”

Boyd laughed into his drink and nodded amiably, while Raylan motioned to Johnny for another one. They sat for a good while longer, drinking and talking shit as the day shift miners began to come in, first the stragglers and then filling up the place. Boyd thought this might feel almost as good as lying out under the stars with Raylan, in its own way, and he soaked it in.

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to norgbelulah and engage_protocol for amazing beta work and encouragement!


End file.
